Disengaged and disenchanted
Are the words that come to mind
To express how I feel in this school
Of over-achieving artists
Both students and staff alike.
I cannot buy into the philosophy of
Better than the rest
Devote your every waking moment
To success, showbiz, showbuzz
At the expense of your mental well being.
I do not want accolades
I do not want the spotlight.
I want to work with sanity
Self reflection, presence, calm
In the midst of crisis, trauma, and heightened emotion.
Is this the place for me?
I do not feel it is,
For now anyway.
It has only been a few short months
But I feel disengaged, disenchanted,
Opting to sit in a park at lunch and read
Than to spend another moment in a building
That fuels creativity at the expense of the artists'
Emotional well being.
Can I make change,
In my attitude first and foremost,
For if I do not
Resentment will only grow
Disengagement will widen.
What are steps I can take
To make the most of my situation,
To realize and understand
I am at this school
In this position for a reason.
The reason is not clear
But surely there must be one.
The universe and its Planner
Are not as random as they may seem.
I ask for guidance and a sign
To show me my path in the here and now
To help me bridge the gap of disengagement
To end the disillusionment
To help me see the light and being
For my purpose in all of this.