Enough. These few words are enough.
If not these words, this breath.
If not this breath, this sitting here.
This opening to the life
we have refused
again and again
until now.
Until now
David Whyte, Where Many Rivers Meet
Monday, May 30, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Musings on Materialism
And so it is, what a life of privilege I lead. Yummy food, fashionable clothes, roof over my head, entertainment, leisure time, great and fulfilling job… Is there really anything to complain about, or a reason to feel remotely unhappy? And yet, there are stirrings of discontent because life isn’t quite perfect. Hubby and I don’t have a house (material possession); we aren’t “settled” i.e. don’t make as much money as those our age (envy and projection); we don’t have kids (fear related to financial uncertainty and my own stuff).
In April we watched a lot of documentaries (The End of Poverty, Water on the Table) and went to see speakers (the notable David Suzuki) who discussed the disparity between the world’s have’s and have not’s and the environmental damage this inequality is wreaking.
More weighing on my conscience is the emotional and spiritual damage this type of material seeking perpetuates. As I struggle to stop making frivolous purchases, I am ashamed to admit, I simply do not have the will to pass by the window of a SALE sign and not make my way inside, particularly if it’s one of my favourite clothing stores. This may sound relatively trivial but most of us “have’s” do have that one, maybe more, vice – whether it’s the overwhelming urge to purchase the latest technological gadget or home improvement good or other big (or small) ticket item. We don’t really “need” these possessions, but boy, do they ever make us feel—and more importantly— “look” good.
We live in such a material and image-driven culture. We are conditioned to believe that these material items are essential to our happiness. We accept this without consciously even knowing that this is what we believe. Only if/when we have a moment of pause or reflection, or, when we’re hit on the head with facts (80% of the world’s resources are used by 20% of the population) that are just too difficult to ignore, do we finally see the reality of our consumptive ways. And so while we may be sobered into feeling remorse, shame, guilt, even outrage—these emotions rarely last more than a few hours or days.
And the cycle continues.
Do I have a solution? Nope. Am I going to consume less? I suppose in many ways, hubby and I do not consume very much as it is. We live in a tiny condo space that we rent, we have 1 car, take public transit as much as we can, and do not have much “stuff”, mostly because we have no where to store it! But that’s not to say in the deepest recesses of my mind, I don’t desire to have more things, or that I don’t envy those who seemingly have more. Isn’t that terrible? I feel like my hubby and I are just waiting for ourselves to “arrive” and join the ranks of all those other lucky folk who have the house, the china set, and all the fancy trimmings. We are in our 30’s after all!
Ego.
These thoughts come from there, not the heart or soul.
But these futile comparisons wait and lurk, assaulting my senses every so often, as much as I intuitively know that having more is not what nourishes.
Case in point, this past weekend we were ‘brunching’ at my brother-in-law’s beautiful, spacious, four-bedroom house in an up and coming neighbourhood just outside the Toronto Area. (He and my husband are identical twins so the comparisons will be especially poignant here. And in case you’re wondering, who’s older, it’s his brother by 11 minutes, and yes, birth order plays a huge role within the family dynamic, even with twins).
Anyhow, my brother-in-law and his very gregarious wife were marvelling over a recent purchase they had made – of a vacuum cleaner, yes, a vacuum cleaner, that was originally over $700 that they paid a mere $500 for. They even brought the vacuum cleaner out to demonstrate its apparent awesomeness. I kid you not, when it was hauled into the room, I thought it looked like a gigantic Transformers toy from the 80’s, and said so, which got a few chuckles and head nods. After being dazzled by the Transformers vacuum, our attention was brought to their relatively new leather couch set, complete with built-in lazy boy features on their 3-seater and stand-alone. We got a demo of that too. When we sat down for brunch, we were further wowed with home-made waffles from an actual waffle-maker (not that expensive we were told, only $100). Do ordinary people actually own restaurant-style waffle-makers? Where do they store them? At our place, we hardly have enough cupboard space for our every-day dishes!
Getting back to the brunch table, which was overflowing with goodies, we were offered a beautiful white wine that they had bottled themselves, originally a $200+ cost for a couple dozen bottles, that they had paid half price for courtesy of a promotional sale. Again, we were marvelled and dazzled at all the luxury.
Oh, did I mention that just the night before, they had booked a fabulous trip to Portugal and Spain for two weeks in June?
It just doesn’t get any better than this, does it?
I just hope, somewhere in their hearts, they say a sincere prayer of gratitude every night for truly being blessed with abundance.
Because if they don’t, then the mild envy I already feel is more bitter than bittersweet.
I mean, let’s face it – we don’t choose which part of the world we’re born in, anymore than we choose the economic status of our families. So, in many ways, our good fortunes from an economic sense (even despite higher education and our own hard work) are just a random phenomenon of placement at birth. We, the have’s, are not entitled to the possessions we own — we are simply blessed, or at best, damn lucky.
This thought humbles me. It provides me with perspective. It makes me view my existing good fortune, with or without the house and its trimmings through the lens of gratitude and appreciation.
My heart is full. I am blessed.
And I strive to nourish myself in the only way that matters.
From within.
In April we watched a lot of documentaries (The End of Poverty, Water on the Table) and went to see speakers (the notable David Suzuki) who discussed the disparity between the world’s have’s and have not’s and the environmental damage this inequality is wreaking.
More weighing on my conscience is the emotional and spiritual damage this type of material seeking perpetuates. As I struggle to stop making frivolous purchases, I am ashamed to admit, I simply do not have the will to pass by the window of a SALE sign and not make my way inside, particularly if it’s one of my favourite clothing stores. This may sound relatively trivial but most of us “have’s” do have that one, maybe more, vice – whether it’s the overwhelming urge to purchase the latest technological gadget or home improvement good or other big (or small) ticket item. We don’t really “need” these possessions, but boy, do they ever make us feel—and more importantly— “look” good.
We live in such a material and image-driven culture. We are conditioned to believe that these material items are essential to our happiness. We accept this without consciously even knowing that this is what we believe. Only if/when we have a moment of pause or reflection, or, when we’re hit on the head with facts (80% of the world’s resources are used by 20% of the population) that are just too difficult to ignore, do we finally see the reality of our consumptive ways. And so while we may be sobered into feeling remorse, shame, guilt, even outrage—these emotions rarely last more than a few hours or days.
And the cycle continues.
Do I have a solution? Nope. Am I going to consume less? I suppose in many ways, hubby and I do not consume very much as it is. We live in a tiny condo space that we rent, we have 1 car, take public transit as much as we can, and do not have much “stuff”, mostly because we have no where to store it! But that’s not to say in the deepest recesses of my mind, I don’t desire to have more things, or that I don’t envy those who seemingly have more. Isn’t that terrible? I feel like my hubby and I are just waiting for ourselves to “arrive” and join the ranks of all those other lucky folk who have the house, the china set, and all the fancy trimmings. We are in our 30’s after all!
Ego.
These thoughts come from there, not the heart or soul.
But these futile comparisons wait and lurk, assaulting my senses every so often, as much as I intuitively know that having more is not what nourishes.
Case in point, this past weekend we were ‘brunching’ at my brother-in-law’s beautiful, spacious, four-bedroom house in an up and coming neighbourhood just outside the Toronto Area. (He and my husband are identical twins so the comparisons will be especially poignant here. And in case you’re wondering, who’s older, it’s his brother by 11 minutes, and yes, birth order plays a huge role within the family dynamic, even with twins).
Anyhow, my brother-in-law and his very gregarious wife were marvelling over a recent purchase they had made – of a vacuum cleaner, yes, a vacuum cleaner, that was originally over $700 that they paid a mere $500 for. They even brought the vacuum cleaner out to demonstrate its apparent awesomeness. I kid you not, when it was hauled into the room, I thought it looked like a gigantic Transformers toy from the 80’s, and said so, which got a few chuckles and head nods. After being dazzled by the Transformers vacuum, our attention was brought to their relatively new leather couch set, complete with built-in lazy boy features on their 3-seater and stand-alone. We got a demo of that too. When we sat down for brunch, we were further wowed with home-made waffles from an actual waffle-maker (not that expensive we were told, only $100). Do ordinary people actually own restaurant-style waffle-makers? Where do they store them? At our place, we hardly have enough cupboard space for our every-day dishes!
Getting back to the brunch table, which was overflowing with goodies, we were offered a beautiful white wine that they had bottled themselves, originally a $200+ cost for a couple dozen bottles, that they had paid half price for courtesy of a promotional sale. Again, we were marvelled and dazzled at all the luxury.
Oh, did I mention that just the night before, they had booked a fabulous trip to Portugal and Spain for two weeks in June?
It just doesn’t get any better than this, does it?
I just hope, somewhere in their hearts, they say a sincere prayer of gratitude every night for truly being blessed with abundance.
Because if they don’t, then the mild envy I already feel is more bitter than bittersweet.
I mean, let’s face it – we don’t choose which part of the world we’re born in, anymore than we choose the economic status of our families. So, in many ways, our good fortunes from an economic sense (even despite higher education and our own hard work) are just a random phenomenon of placement at birth. We, the have’s, are not entitled to the possessions we own — we are simply blessed, or at best, damn lucky.
This thought humbles me. It provides me with perspective. It makes me view my existing good fortune, with or without the house and its trimmings through the lens of gratitude and appreciation.
My heart is full. I am blessed.
And I strive to nourish myself in the only way that matters.
From within.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Fabulous Friendship Festival...
...that's the title of the book I'm reading by SARK. I'm trying to attract more female friendship into my life as there has been a bit of a void since my high school and university days. I even joined a few "meetups" for the sole purpose of getting to know new people, particularly women my age.
To that end, I went to an INFJ meetup yesterday. It was interesting to be around people of my personality type --talk about instantaneous bonding! We had a lovely brunch at Nosh Bistro and engaged in lively banter. Here's to attracting fabulous friendships!
To that end, I went to an INFJ meetup yesterday. It was interesting to be around people of my personality type --talk about instantaneous bonding! We had a lovely brunch at Nosh Bistro and engaged in lively banter. Here's to attracting fabulous friendships!
HotDoc
I really loved the documentary Monica & David which screened at the HotDocs film festival last weekend. The documentary followed Monica and David who have Down Syndrome through their first year of marriage.
M&D were so genuinely sweet and loving, I was pretty much in tears during the entire film. It was remarkable to see how well they were able to take care of themselves despite their intellectual disability. I felt as though they were absoluely capable of being autonomous although their parents were highly protective and quite fearful of letting them have greater levels of independence. Case in point, Monica's parents accompanied M&D on their honeymoon! I could empathize with the parents' concerns, however, it was evident that M&D just wanted to be like a 'regular' married couple, who could live on their own, earn a livelihood and even have a child. The latter was the most contentious issue as the parents felt that M&D were like children themselves -- how could they then provide care for a baby?
The film raised a really important issue -- When do parents need to "let go", even if their child has a disability?
One of the most heart-warming features of the film was that individuals with Down's share many of the same dreams and aspirations as most of us. The one stark difference is that there is no pretense with them. They are so innocent and genuine -- what you see is what you get -- they wear their hearts on their sleeves. And truly, what BIG, loving hearts they have!
M&D were so genuinely sweet and loving, I was pretty much in tears during the entire film. It was remarkable to see how well they were able to take care of themselves despite their intellectual disability. I felt as though they were absoluely capable of being autonomous although their parents were highly protective and quite fearful of letting them have greater levels of independence. Case in point, Monica's parents accompanied M&D on their honeymoon! I could empathize with the parents' concerns, however, it was evident that M&D just wanted to be like a 'regular' married couple, who could live on their own, earn a livelihood and even have a child. The latter was the most contentious issue as the parents felt that M&D were like children themselves -- how could they then provide care for a baby?
The film raised a really important issue -- When do parents need to "let go", even if their child has a disability?
One of the most heart-warming features of the film was that individuals with Down's share many of the same dreams and aspirations as most of us. The one stark difference is that there is no pretense with them. They are so innocent and genuine -- what you see is what you get -- they wear their hearts on their sleeves. And truly, what BIG, loving hearts they have!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
A Four To the Core
If you're familiar with the psycho-spiritual typology of the Enneagram, then you'll know what I mean when I say I'm a Four to the core. As a Four, I'm prone to a melancholic disposition, although when I am 'healthy' and 'integrating' I am able to dwell in equanimity. At the moment, however, I'm functioning as an average Four. I'm residing in my head a bit too much. I'm not being overly productive but imagining all the ways in which I can be.
One of my major issues (and Fours love dissecting their issues) is that I have a really hard time physically moving. It's so much easier sitting in a cozy arm chair ruminating about all the ways I will make a difference in my life, than actually doing any of them. I know physical activity is extremely important for someone like me, but I've tried the whole gym membership thing, and well, you can imagine how I lacked discipline. I worked out for perhaps the first month after signing on the dotted line and then, well, the gym payments continued for at least 2 years subsequently, with my best intentions to one day return. Like that happened.
I think it's time to start a new approach to physical activity. I do believe it's imperative for me to stop 'snailing' around if I want to experience a balanced state of body, mind and soul.
Unfortunately, for most of my life, I've struggled with a sense of discomfort in moving my body, unabashedly and freely. It's that self-consciousness theme again. So you can say, I'm rather athletically and kinesthetically challenged. And yet, I'm aware the only way I'll be able to achieve any balance of body, mind, soul is through the act of physically moving.
So I'm thinking something simple like skip-roping would be a gentle, non-threatening start. Also, there's a nearby track where I live. Perhaps a lap or two would serve me well. I'm putting these intentions out there simply because I know if I don't commit to them in writing, they'll continue to be just idle prospects in my well-intentioned, yet undisciplined mind; life.
One of my major issues (and Fours love dissecting their issues) is that I have a really hard time physically moving. It's so much easier sitting in a cozy arm chair ruminating about all the ways I will make a difference in my life, than actually doing any of them. I know physical activity is extremely important for someone like me, but I've tried the whole gym membership thing, and well, you can imagine how I lacked discipline. I worked out for perhaps the first month after signing on the dotted line and then, well, the gym payments continued for at least 2 years subsequently, with my best intentions to one day return. Like that happened.
I think it's time to start a new approach to physical activity. I do believe it's imperative for me to stop 'snailing' around if I want to experience a balanced state of body, mind and soul.
Unfortunately, for most of my life, I've struggled with a sense of discomfort in moving my body, unabashedly and freely. It's that self-consciousness theme again. So you can say, I'm rather athletically and kinesthetically challenged. And yet, I'm aware the only way I'll be able to achieve any balance of body, mind, soul is through the act of physically moving.
So I'm thinking something simple like skip-roping would be a gentle, non-threatening start. Also, there's a nearby track where I live. Perhaps a lap or two would serve me well. I'm putting these intentions out there simply because I know if I don't commit to them in writing, they'll continue to be just idle prospects in my well-intentioned, yet undisciplined mind; life.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Book Fiend
For the past 4 years, I've been commuting to my place of work - a high school in Scarborough - by subway - AKA the city of Toronto's inept public transit system. I suppose I should be thankful that this mode of travel transports me from one end of the city to another. But the entire process takes 1 hour and 10 minutes each way. Some people ask me how I do this. My answer is, I get to finish approximately a book a week. This, folks, is the only way I've managed to retain my sanity amidst the subway delays, breakdowns, and downright weirdness of some passengers.
This school year on my commute, I have focused on reading memoirs written by women. I have THOROUGHLY enjoyed the following:
Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
A Mighty Heart : The Inside Story of the Al Qaeda Kidnapping of Danny Pearl
The Wishing Year: A House, a Man, My Soul A Memoir of Fulfilled Desire
The Slippery Year
Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously
Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
Lucky: A Memoir
Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal
A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table
Despite the sometimes traumatic events that have shaped these ordinary, yet remarkable women's lives, their stories have planted a seed of inspiration and self-renewal.
This school year on my commute, I have focused on reading memoirs written by women. I have THOROUGHLY enjoyed the following:
Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
A Mighty Heart : The Inside Story of the Al Qaeda Kidnapping of Danny Pearl
The Wishing Year: A House, a Man, My Soul A Memoir of Fulfilled Desire
The Slippery Year
Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously
Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
Lucky: A Memoir
Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal
A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table
Despite the sometimes traumatic events that have shaped these ordinary, yet remarkable women's lives, their stories have planted a seed of inspiration and self-renewal.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)