Sharing Joy

I'll be the first to admit that I am not a naturally Joy-Full person.  By this I mean, I have to work hard every day to cultivate joy in my life, otherwise I can be a rather moody individual, even melancholic. 

I am, after all, a Four.  And Fours like hanging out in the darker corners of life, or in my case, hiding out in my serenity shell as opposed to fully engaging in life.  Sometimes.

I am aware of this inward tendency and so I am just as aware of the need to find moments in the every day that fill me with joy.  The moment can be as simple as having a meaningful conversation with someone with whom I am feeling very connected.

Or, drinking a cup of tea in a mindful way, aware of the warmth on my hands, and the nourishing effects of each sip. 

These ordinary acts of pleasure fill my days with bite-size moments of joy.

When I do not make a conscious effort to cultivate joy, I am a person who sees the negative in life, in myself and in others.  That's not a place which is helpful, or healthy. 

I also realize that by cultivating joy within, I am much more able to be compassionate outside myself.  I am able to peek out of my shell and stay out for longer periods of time, with the intent of sharing my joy with others. 

Oh, how interconnected that makes me feel to humanity! 

And isn't that the point of feeling joy?  To share this disposition with everyone whose path intersects yours?

Sometimes being joyful means putting on a funny hat and letting people share in your silliness
Photo taken in Quebec City, Winter 2011

What are things you do to cultivate joy-full-ness?  Are you naturally joy-full? 

Wishing you lots of joy on the path you travel.

Make a Wish

I am currently making wishes:

1) For my husband to attain a full-time teaching position (he is currently teaching half days in a Gr. 2 classroom).
2) For us to find a house that is affordable but that also touches our heart in some way.  A place we can truly call, home.
3) For us to have grateful hearts despite whatever we feel are our hardships
4) For us to dwell in peace within, so that we may be emissaries of peace outside ourselves

Wishing you the fulfillment of your wishes too.

Photo taken within Boldt Castle

A Word or Two, Ok, Maybe a Few...On Trusting

Max Ehrmann, in his poem Desiderata wrote,

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

I would definitely benefit from having more trust in the unfolding of the Universe, even when it appears that things are far from ideal, or at the very least, not going my way. 

I am currently reading, Writing and the Spiritual Life, and the line,
Within myself, I can bump up against God and still not trust Him
resonates quite deeply.

Life is definitely easier when I place trust in that which is Greater than myself. 
But, oh, how forgetful am I
when I think it's all up to me to make things happen. 

Here's to bumping up against a Higher Power and trusting,
What is to be, will be,
For my betterment.
Though it may not always be
Apparent at the time.

Collage Journal: How Are You?

Here's my latest collage journal:

(Images taken from the magazines O, Chatelaine and Alive)

Lately, I've been like the woman on the top right who has smoke, fire, and heat emanating from the top of her head. 

 The Right Hand asked:  Why such fury?

The Left Hand answered:  Mostly frustration and short "tempered-ness" over various issues -- hubs' search for work, house hunting in a ridiculously over-priced market, and other wifely nit-pickies.  Hubs is asking for acceptance, patience, and greater compassion.  Of course I can offer this.  The point being, I am capable of this.  Doing it. Now that's the real issue.  It would be far more peaceful to show restraint and calm instead of blowing my top (with dark, billowing smoke) as in the image. 

The Right Hand asked:  What are the fruits about? 

The Left Hand answered: A reminder to live in a healthy way and to diminish behaviour that can only be poisonus to the body, such as anger.  The fruits, particularly the berries all have antioxidant properties. 

The Right Hand asked:  Can you really dwell in equanimity like the woman taking delight in the present?

The Left Hand answered:  Just looking at her in this stance melts the fury.  I want to be present and to delight in a warm cup of tea with nourishing reading materials by my side.

The Right Hand asked:  Tell me more about the horseback ride.

The Left Hand answered:  That would be so exhilarating, yet terrifying too.  In moments of pure letting go, I would be in a state of bliss, no worries, no fears.  What an awesome inner space.

The Right Hand asked:  Two images, a younger self standing on a swing looking outward, and an older self along the bottom of a path, near the water.  What's captivating their attention?

The Left Hand answered:  The younger self clearly has no fear, standing there on the swing, she is looking outward at all the possibility that awaits in life.  How is it that our younger selves are so fearless and filled with such courage? 

Comparatively, the older self along the path is in a state of confusion or self-questioning, perhaps doubt.  She is looking downward, not ahead.  She is trying to find her bearings so that she may continue along the path, where ever that path may lead.

I am praying to find the courage to stand on my swing. 

Acceptance, patience, greater compassion. 
With self, and others.

A Question of Authenticity

Narcissus fell in love with his shadow because he could not recognize his true self. He ended up in love with a false sense of self -- his ego.
Lately, I, too, have been struggling with questions of authenticity. Who is the real me?

I reflect on the ways I conduct myself in my professional life and I find myself judging the persona of:

a woman with the right answers
a woman with high energy
a woman with confidence and
of competence.

But is this my authentic self or just the mask I put on?

In my most private moments, I know the self that I am far more comfortable with is the quiet self, the serenity snail if you will.

But I fear that self is de-valued in our fast-paced lives and in our quick interactions with others.

How do I, then, learn to integrate both selves instead of judging one or the other?

Does the answer simply lie in being present to my experiences at work, at home, and in the privacy of my own inner world? If I am present and mindful, then there is no room for the false ego, the Pinocchio of myself rearing its ugly head. So much easier said than done!

(This image was taken in Florence, Italy)

I know my mask is glued firmly in place when I feel threatened, insecure or as though I have to prove myself. Indeed, that is exactly how I feel in my new position at work right now.

If I could simply let go of my fears, and relax into myself, perhaps I would not feel such inner duality?

Unlike Narcissus, I want to fall in love with my authentic self, not my shadow.  To actually experience self-love that is true without the narcissism -- now that would be Divine.

(Taken at Boldt Castle)

Office Mindfulness Reminders

I am beginning to see that my new position at a new school is very fast-paced. At any given time, students, staff, parents, phone calls, emails are all competing for my attention -- often all at once. In the midst of the busy-ness, I am losing my mind, yes, but also my ability to be present and mindful.

I wonder what mindfulness reminders I could institute in my office to remind me periodically of the need to just dwell in serenity for a moment: to feel my body, to breathe deeply and to quiet my mind. It is so easy to get swept away with the currents and tidal waves of a fast-paced work-life.

I am open to any mindfulness reminders that have worked for you in the home or office that I may practise.

Right now, I have a book on my desk at work entitled, Present Moment, Wonderful Moment. Just glancing at the title instills a little moment of pause.

I am all for other suggestions.

Peace.

Change Awaits

Next week, I'll be starting a new position at a new school. I was at my previous school for 5 years. That may not seem like a very long time but by my fifth year, it felt as though I had been there forever and was ready for a change, not to mention a much shorter commute to work. It took me over an hour by subway and bus to get to my school. Thankfully, my new commute will be no more than 15 minutes.

Despite all the things I am looking forward to at my new school (arts-based programming, high caliber students, close-knit guidance department), I am also anxious. And naturally so. Whenever we embark on change or transition of any kind, there is a feeling of fear.

Fear of the unknown.
Fear of our own abilities to meet challenges.
Fear in our decision-making: Did we do the right thing by embarking on this change?

I am sitting with all these emotions and more.

I also created this collage to help me process some of the change that awaits.

At the time I randomly selected images on the collage without giving too much thought to any of them. When I viewed the end result, I was left with some questions. The first being, Why the parrot?

So I journaled with my non-dominant hand to answer this question. (This is a technique that I blogged about in a previous post.)

Here's what I accessed:

I've been trying to figure out why I selected this huge, brightly colored parrot in the image. Parrots mimic; mindless mimicry. I am my own person and need to rely and trust my intuition, not leave it to others. The parrot, in a reverse sort of way, is reminding me to trust myself.

The right hand asked, Anything else with respect to the parrot?

The left hand answered:
I love the colors. They are beautiful and bright. The parrot is sitting on the woman's head/umbrella. The woman is trying to shelter herself from too much change it seems (what with the lemons of change falling on her). The parrot is keeping her firmly in place. It's almost making her resist the change.

I don't entirely feel that way. I am ready to embrace change. The parrot, however, is saying if you're not careful/mindful/alert, you may fall into your repetitive ways!!! Yes. That's why the parrot is there. To warn not to fall into a repetitive, stagnant pattern, as parrots and humans are apt to do.
The right side of the collage symbolizes resistance/apprehension to change. The left side is ready to take it on and to take it afloat, like the balloons.

The right hand asked, What's the woman on the bike about?

The left hand answered:
She's turning left. Turning a corner of life. She's also doing a balancing act between different areas of her life -- her man, work, play. The woman above her is self-assured and strong. She is happy and taking care of herself and her body.
The balloons are light and carefree. The stars are there to guide the woman who is a representation of me.

She is ready to turn the corner and embrace change.

Summer's End

To me, nothing symbolizes summer more than sunflowers. They mark the warmth and playfulness of summer which luxuriously unfolds and stretches itself out in June and July. Come August, the sunflower is a reminder of the wistfulness we have for those long summer days, when daylight seemed endless.

Alas, savor the summer, what's left of it anyway.

I love how the bee was captured in this image completely by chance.

This lotus flower gave me a moment of pause and reflection. My hubs and I both listed the top five things we were most grateful for this summer.

A perfect way to end a lovely summer afternoon.

If This Tree Could Speak...

...What would it say?

I suppose it's a weird thing to admit I love looking at trees. I suppose it's even weirder to think trees can speak? But this particular tree had me do a double-take. You have to admit, the shape is very unusual and almost human-like? (It abides in the garden of a beautiful B&B we were staying in while on vacation.)

If this tree could speak, what would it say?

Perhaps...

Come dance with me...

or ...

Collage Journaling

I am so grateful to my friend Tracy who steered me towards the exciting inner work of collage journaling as a way to tap into the subconscious mind. For the past several weeks, I have been deep-sea diving into my psyche through collage work, finding images that resonate with me either positively or negatively. Each of the collages I have created so far have provided a portal of insight into my emotions.

What's more, Tracy introduced me to the concept of using my non-dominant hand to answer questions I may have about the images on the collage. So the idea is to view a newly created collage for a day or so -- to allow the images "speak" to you -- then to pose questions to particular images with your dominant hand and respond with the non-dominant hand. This technique may sound rather unusual but it has definitely awakened my dormant creativity and has helped me process some issues I've been grappling with. For more information about this type of work, I'll refer you to a couple of valuable sources -- an expressive arts website and a resource that leads to more information about using the other hand.

Here are some collages I've worked on so far:

Reaching My Potential

Being Happy With Life: Supporting Change

Cupping Life's Possibilities, With Love

Allowing the Healing Energy to Flow